Sensitivity, Social Anxiety, and Bullies

In first grade, I was sent to the principal’s office, and he threatened to spank me if I didn’t… start talking. Because of course if a child has severe social anxiety and doesn’t feel safe speaking — in other words, is selectively mute, a common trait of children with social anxiety — it makes perfect sense to ensure the child feels even more scared and unsafe.

In first grade, the System, teachers, classmates, and school principal demonized me for being… sensitive. For being an empath with severe social anxiety, which my teachers and classmates and the system used against me every day. I was labeled “Special Ed,” flunked first grade, and was sent on the short bus — with all the social humiliation that implies — to attend a school that had a special education class.

I commuted to the special school for two years and wasn’t bullied nearly as much there, where I was sometimes in the special education classroom and other times in the regular classroom.

Although the bullying wasn’t as constant as it was at the Bully Fest school, it was clear I was still a social pariah in the regular classroom. I remember overhearing a conversation between two kids who were comparing levels of unpopularity, and I don’t remember their exact words, but they made it clear I was the ultimate in unpopular. Nobody wanted to play with me during recess…